I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
