I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize