Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
