actually, I'm a sock model
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We left the knife in your bed.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
