I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize