The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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