Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
