remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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