I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
