this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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