you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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