he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
