Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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