hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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