Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
