he thought i was a dude.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
