They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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