Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
