I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Randomize
