i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
