hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
