his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
