if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
