She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
