hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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