went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize