My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
