Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
