Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
