splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
