please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
