TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
