On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
