I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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