Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
