she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
