She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Every concussion has its silver lining
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
