Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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