evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
