Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
