I wish i was in the wii world.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize