ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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