Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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