Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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