i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
