I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
