Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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