You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
