3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
