If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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