Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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