sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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