I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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