I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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