you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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