hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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