Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
