Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
