I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
