It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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