The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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