How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
