She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
