i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
And then my night got REAL pukey
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
