He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
