Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
