The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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