look no pants
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
