thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
