similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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