I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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