Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
