I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
