Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize