We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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