You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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