What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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