whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
