operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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