we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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