I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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