Define "chronic" masturbator.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
