Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
