I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
