also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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