thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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