hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
