remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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