Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
