and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
