Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
