Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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