dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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