Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I don't deserve a penis
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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