maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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