Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
