im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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