Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
