i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
