I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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