maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
