He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
