and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
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