Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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