i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize