I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We talked him into tasing himself.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
